Yeah, so...I've been feeling a bit jumpy lately, and my vision is starting to change a bit. I feel that I may go into a manic cycle very soon, and I must admit....I am looking forward to it. I know there may be some trouble, and I may lose a few more friends...but atleast I can get some work done. I've been neglecting my story I've been trying to write, and my music. I've also missed drawing and painting.
I know everyone around me is going to hate it, but I need to feel free for a little while. I smoke pot sometimes to calm myself down if it goes on for too long. But as long as I don't spend too much money, fuck random people, or run away to the circus I should be fine.
I know that this is the exact opposite of what I should be telling people. I don't recomend this for anyone. But all of my manic episodes and psychotic breaks to date have never included violence, so I feel that the only one I'll be hurting (if anyone) is myself. I also don't recomend smoking marijuana to self medicated. I've seen many manics become paranoid from marijuana, and others realize that they can shut off their mood swings with drugs and go into harder and harder things (as I did).
Marijuana is a personal choice of mine. It is a cheap way to control my mania. I have had years of experience with it and feel that it is more beneficial for me than not. But like any medecine it effects people differently. I have it recomended through a licensed physician under Proposition 215 of California.
In the past I used depakote (valproate/valproic acid), zoloft (sertraline), seroquel, and either triazolam (halcion) or Flurazapam. They clouded my mind and killed off my connection with life, god, and creativity. Even though I am a severe manic depressive, I don't directly hurt people with my breaks from reality and what not. Atleast not yet.
A Thiarna Dean Trocaira.
-LaughingBoy
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